Since the beginning, two characters of our players have had a very "pulling" relationship. One is a great lady, the other a more agitated seafarer. Small balls of fire directed on the armpits, many insults and small poisoned feathers … you get the picture. Both players seem to get along with each other and check from time to time with them that everything is always copacetic. Until the last session. Lady decides (for long reasons) to sleep in the hammock of Man who is on the bridge. The man pulls her out of the hammock and tells him no. Lady says well, none of us wants and rips one of the racks. He is now too unstable for the man to sleep, but Lady can still. The man says well, sleep in it.
The man waits for Lady to be asleep, then tightly squeezes her in a hammock. She wakes up as this happens and the man's head makes her lose consciousness.
The man hangs a hammock over the ship, feet first and above the water. What a woman is terrified.
Lady wakes up, screams a bloody murder, the man comes back. The man tries to say that he did this to make peace (with her). Lady is trying to bite / scratch but can not. So, Lady begins to insult the man and, in doing so, calls his mother a cow (Man in Minotaur.)
Then the man strikes unarmed and binds Lady in the face until she calms down, then leaves her partially loose and goes off.
The character of Lady is obviously furious and now makes a silent treatment. The character of the man never apologizes, but repeats that he "was only trying to make peace".
The player of the character of Lady is closed a bit, but has not clearly expressed any problem with the interaction. (In my previous post, I stated that none of the other players seemed worried.It should have indicated that none of the other characters seemed upset.) If any of the other players were unhappy, I can not say.
Some of them even made jokes after the end of the session about going back to the 1940s and carrying the wife. and "My wife has black eye because I explained something to her … why does she have two black eyes … well, I had to have it." explain twice. " Hardy Har Har and all that. Another player was calm after the incident of the game but laughed at the jokes.
I feel very uncomfortable with both unplanned casual player violence, rather than with unarmed violence AND post-session discussions. If anyone else was upset, I would not know how to say it. To be fair, I did not project my discomfort at that time either – mainly to avoid some of the statements that were made.
I do not want people to feel that they can not play their characters in a certain way and that the culture of the game is different, and that the players can sometimes make decisions, etc., and so on.
But I also do not want to play with people who act like that in the game AND who also make jokes as they did afterwards. It seems that the choice they made in the game (and the lack of reaction) was a test of the waters and allowed them to act as they did after the match.
The main concern is how you want to play, but I must be able to believe that you play a role and that you do not play your own identity in secret.
Once again, I realize that in the game, we kill people, we steal, we love, I get it back. Just tie up and hit a helpless friend (GENDER ASIDE) just because you feel very bad about how we play this game for over a year now.
I am not so close to DM (just friends) and I only know other players for a little over a year. There is a woman, a non-binary and four men. Three of the players are working together (two for a while), a player has already played with two of them but there is no real relationship outside the match. All players (except those who are not binary) play characters that match their gender. The age range is 30 to 55 years old. The players Lady and Man have already played together (briefly) and do not work together.
Unfortunately, and as evidenced by some cats and comments (even on this site), reporting that such jokes make me feel uncomfortable is likely to be perceived as a moan or a "snowflake" sensitive".
How can I approach my DM and my players to get a resolution of these uncomfortable actions without getting that kind of response from other players / DM?
Editing Update: I followed a script similar to the one below when I asked my group to talk about the problem. I did it with the whole group at the same time because I probably would have worked only once. It seems to have gone well. The Man player said that he would no longer make jokes about domestic violence. Having not played yet another session, I do not know if / how I affected the mood of the band. The Man player seemed really upset at having embarrassed me and the Lady player stated that she knew (from past matches with Man) that sometimes, when he was excited / in role play he could be a little offended and therefore less disconcerted. but what happened? So the question is being addressed at the moment. I'll have to see what will happen in the future since Man seemed sorry and what Lady said is a little bit like a pattern, Man was very excited before and nothing like that had happened, so I think he hoped it would have been won. it will not happen anymore.